When I Was Red Clay

June 6, 2022
Conservation photographer Bailey (Rock Art) contends with his troubled Mormon upbringing and relationship to the natural world in this meditative memoir composed of journal entries, essays, and poems. The author, who was shunned by his community and family for being gay, recalls painful memories of a 1990s childhood in which classmates intimidated him with concealed weapons and physical assaults. At home, Bailey found little refuge living with an anorexic mother and a father who demanded that Bailey renounce his sexuality or be punished eternally. In lyrical odes to the natural beauty of the southwestern deserts, Bailey details his turn to nature for respite with an emphasis on the ancient rock art he encountered in his explorations. He also, however, draws facile connections between his Mormon ancestors’ experience to that of contemporary undocumented Mexican migrants crossing the militarized U.S. border (“Our feet were burned red under these same soils... for the same sense of safety sought by migrants entering this country today”), often leading his reflections on freedom and religious identity to ring hollow. Though some fragments struggle to cohere, Bailey’s moving testament of resilience is sure to satisfy readers of nature writing and autobiography alike. Fans of Terry Tempest Williams and Robin Wall Kimmerer should take note.

Starred review from June 1, 2022

Bailey, a gay ex-Mormon and advocate for conservation and climate control, weaves a beautiful tapestry of dignity and respect for mankind and nature in his memoir. When Bailey left the LDS Church, he did not find God in the wilderness. He found something much more powerful: the majesty of nature and its ability to provide peace many people never discover. Touching on current events and topics, from conservation and immigration to suicide and autism, Bailey has penned a thought-provoking memoir. Questioning his sexuality, his faith, and whether peace and disorder can coexist, Bailey seeks to find healing and connection and takes readers on his intimate journey. With a narrative told through free verse, prose, journal entries, and love letters, this is one man's attempt to reconcile childhood traumas through the presence of spirit found in nature. The wilderness of deserts in Utah and Arizona are their own characters in this beautiful book. This immersive experience is one part travel guide and guidebook to native plants and one part exploration of kinship between the human spirit and the Earth. VERDICT Readers will find hope and peace on these beautifully written pages.--Alana R. Quarles

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